I’ve been a Mummy now for ALMOST (3 months shy!) 5 years and by god what a rollercoaster of tears and tantrums it’s been – some of them even from my children!
I’ve learnt a lot, but here are just a few!
1. Only my way will do
Every Jane, Mary & Rose has their two cents on how I should parent. I’ve been critiqued for every single thing I’ve done by somebody – Using a dummy, not co-sleeping, using formula, weaning too early & weaning too late. It doesn’t matter what anyone’s opinion is… My way is what works for us. You can listen to anyone’s advice, but not all advice is good advice.
2. Soft Play is for the brave
The bravest and courageous mothers amongst us are those who brave soft play. Moreover, those who attempt soft play on a weekend or bank holiday. It’s like the Ibiza of childhood. They’re zones filled with hyped up toddlers topped up with sugar and very little in the way of morals – yep your child will just slap any other child for a go on a little tykes car. It’s every baby for themselves. Don’t get me started on all of those nasty bugs they’ll catch there. Can you say Threadworm party?
3. My gut is NEVER wrong…
I remember when Holly was about 2 weeks old. I woke up. I felt that something wasn’t right. No noise had startled me awake, and Holly was sleeping soundly. I went for a wee. When I re-entered the room I found Holly gagging, vomiting some green fluid and struggling to breathe. Had I not woken up, I don’t know what would have happened. But my gut KNEW something wasn’t right. I trust it every time!
4. They’ll learn everything you don’t want them to
You can ask a child to say or do anything, and they probably won’t listen. But if you utter a swearword, even once – they’ll learn it and it’ll become their favourite word ever. My dad often regales the tale of how he was doing some DIY, messed up and loudly exclaimed “FUCK IT” to which my response was “Fuck it, Daddy”. In a similar vain, my daughter told my son to “F*** off” not long ago. Time to tape my sweary mouth shut.
5. You can always count on your child to embarrass you
I have all too many of these stories… And almost all of them involve some kind of toilet humour.
There was the time my daughter (who likes to shout when she talks) chose when we were in a toilet cubicle to question me about periods. Or the time when she was potty training – and being the chatty little madam she is, she got talking to an elderly lady. Sweet right? Until she came out with “I wee on the toilet now and I do big poos on the toilet too, just like Mummy”. WhY dO tHeY dO tHAt????????